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December 31, 2002

Happy New Year

Happy New Year! From Nala and me.

2002 lists

People are busy making their 2002 lists... the good, the bad, the ugly, the farked, the web, the arts, politics, etc...

I've got a little time, so let me say that this site has done nothing for me in the past year. I rant once in a while about nothing. Occasionally I post a photo.

It's time for a great restructuring. The move to Movable Type.

The Return of the PermaLinks.

Holy f'ing crap I'm tired.

December 30, 2002

A photo

<IMG SRC="/edbudbobsm.gif"><BR>
My great grandfather and my uncles Bud and Bob. I believe it's my grandmother sitting behind, with my father on her lap. Bud is the one in the hospital.

Unexpected Good(?) News

I fully expected to call the hospital and hear that he'd died during the night. I think it would've been better if he had.

The nurse told me his kidneys have failed. He's resting quietly. His breathing is not labored. His blood sugar is ok. He doesn't open his eyes. He is cooperative with the nurses, and responds to his name and the voices of family.

The nurse seemed cheerful as she described his situation. Granted, it's not as grim as my mom made it out to be, but he is still dying. He will not get better. He will not go home. He will not even stabilize without machinery, and that will not happen since his wishes are to die naturally without life support.

His genes are against him.

December 29, 2002


A lovely lovely week came to an end with a bomb or two dropped squarely in my lap. Another divorce seems immenent, and of course along with that, a death. Seems my uncle (whom I've met once) is in the hospital dying, and the only family who's gone to visit him is the son who's taken care of him the last few years.

He has alzheimers. heart disease, had several massive strokes, and parkinsons. And a couple other things.

I dont know how coherent he is... but he's dying, and he's family. He'll probably not last the night. Definitely not the week.

I don't know what I should do.

December 27, 2002

Back Home

Oh, so glad to be back in Cowtown, despite fighting the sore throat now, and despite the little stress-arguments that are still floating around post-fall-quarter.

What the hell is my problem? Well... I don't know really, but I'm working to fix it.

How was Christmas? Insane, as usual, running around all over Toledo, and seeing lots of family and friends, eating, and prepping food.

But aside from all that, I love the fact that I can make <A HREF="http://www.naladahc.com" target="_blank">him</A> happy once in a while. That's the best gift I've gotten in a long time.

I'm still behind in all my card and package sending... I probably still have a half dozen gifts to mail and at least a dozen cards, but, no worries. That's a minor inconvenience.

As long as I don't really get sick by tomorrow, I'll be happy. I want to see my parents and my grandma for Christmas, and we're taking a certain Poopy D with us.

I love Christmastime around the woodstove, watching snow fall outside, and opening presents. However, it won't be by candlelight and I wont be in my PJs this year.

December 20, 2002

Cookies and more cookies

Jeezus... it's definitely the cookie season. We all made cookies, then at work a vendor brought cookies, then my trainer gave me a big plate of cookies last night, and now my boss just gave me a plate of cookies.

And I'm supposed to be eating LESS.

My Christmas shopping is officially done. I couldn't find socks for my mom or a shirt for my grandma (no bears!), so I gave up on those.

All of my parents' stuff is bought. All of Nala's stuff. All of his parents' stuff. All of our friends' stuff...

All I need are 5 photo prints. Maybe 6. And then I'll be done.

Hooray for me! I'm done! I'm done!

December 19, 2002

Holiday Stress

Jeezus Tapdancing Christ... could the next few days get any more confusing or hectic?

Why yes, they could.

Yesterday, I declared myself done with shopping. Today, I found out otherwise, which means another trip all over creation to get those last 4 things that are escaping me. And packing supplies.

And, it's an All-Ohio Homecoming. My friends Annalisa, Chad, Stephen and Don will be back in Ohio starting today.

And Matte will be passing thru, he thinks.

Yeah. Merry Christmas, yall. Looks like my car will be getting a workout.

December 18, 2002

More Shopping

Shopping is killing me... thankfully, I'm almost done. One more run to Target, and then one to Big Lots, and then to the post office to ship stuff...

December 17, 2002


Ugh. My shopping is almost done. The cookie baking is done, despite the oven of great annoyance. I still have much mailing to do.

Jay, you're getting your poster, finally. The fabulous Deb will be getting her poster. Zan will get some things for her kitchen. Annalisa will be getting presents from 2 years ago. Christine will be getting a photo as soon as I can find it. Christy, well, she'll be getting a photo too.

Tons of cards to write.
Presents to wrap.

Busy Busy Busy. And only 3 more days of work this week.

Yeah, holy crap. A week from tomorrow is Christmas. Need more bubble wrap.

December 12, 2002

Mmmm Cookies

Oatmeal Scotchies (cookies)

3/4 c. butter - softened
3/4 c. brown sugar - packed
1/2 c. white sugar
1 egg
1/4 c. water
1 tsp vanilla
1 c. flour
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. soda
3 c. oats - quick cooking
1 c. butterscotch morsels

In a small bowl, stir flour, salt and soda together. In a large bowl, cream butter and sugars. Add egg, water, and vanilla; beat well. Stir in flour mixture, then stir in oats. Finally stir in morsels. Drop by rounded teaspoonfulls on ungreased cookie sheet. Bake 11-13 mins at 350 F (till edges are golden brown) Cool on wire rack.


Two batches of cookie dough are done, but how my mom thinks that each will make 3-4 dozen is beyond me.

I suppose I'll just have to wait and see.

So busy. So so busy. And fat. Must stop eating crappy food again. It's easy to slip into those old habits.

Around this time 2 years ago, I decided to lose weight because I couldnt fit into my pants anymore. It's happening again. Must fix it.

For real this time.

Accosted re: chocolate chips

"You don't want those," she said.


"Those chips. They have no flavor. Trust me. Buy the Nestle's. Or, you know who has really really good ones? Aldi's."

'Thanks for the tip, but my mom told me to get these," I said.

"You'll regret it," she said.

'Oh, well. I guess I will.'

December 11, 2002

Study, Don't Skip

It took every bit of self-discipline and determination to <A HREF="http://www.psionic.nu/2002_12_01_arcindex.html#85804341" target="_blank">MAKE myself go to my final</A>, knowing that I would not do well. But I went, and now that it's over, I can relax till next week when grades are posted.

It seemed easier than the midterm, but that is always tricky... was it actually easier or did I know even less than what I thought?

A week will tell.

SF Dreams?

So, right before I awoke, I was having a dream about San Francisco. I think I was only visiting, but I can't be sure. The Sassy One was there of course, and we were taking the Muni, and I was hanging out with this boy who resembled Charlie in Taken. In the first part of the dream he looked like the last blonde Charlie, and then he was the brunette Charlie at the end. I can remember we were using the computer in someone's apartment (flat panel screen, cool keyboard, tiny stand, in the living area) and then ... I can't remember. We were in Berkeley too.

And some fat male TV star was there, but I can't remember who. I'm thinking Raymond Burr.

No more fish & chips before bed.

Wish me luck on my final.

December 9, 2002

To Do to do to do

I've made a "to do" list for things around the house, but I havent made one for here, yet.

Let's see...
1) Get the random photos linking to the appropriate galleries.
2) Get the "supporting cast" page(s) done.
3) Get permalinks working (by converting to Movable Type)
4) Get the "travels" pages formatted and linked in.
5) Photos shmotos. This should really be in "travels".
6) Portfolio. Fix it or take it down.
7) Fitblog. Work the abs.
8) Finish adding the emails from Hotmail into the "void"
9) Clean up the "writings" section (add into Movable Type?)

Yeah. That's enough.

Sappy Card

I got a birthday card from my sister today... I almost cried. It was one of those sappy Hallmarks that I used to hate when I was younger. She even wrote a little "remember when" note at the bottom.

I think I actually smiled this morning.

December 7, 2002


Relationships are sometimes about conflict resolution and compromise, agreeing to disagree and finding a balance betwixt the two.

I have a feeling today and this weekend are going to be full of such things.

I believe in preparedness and planning and organization. While you may laugh at this, my stress comes from the disorganized life I lead based out of my own laziness and the planning for such organization which is so often interfered with by real life.

I admire my parents for their skills in these areas and wonder if they were always this way or it came out of years of work.

It always looks easy, but it often is not. For instance, Naladahc bought bookshelves, one of which is erected in our living room. Amen, it looks beautiful, but I had bought a much larger metal industrial bookshelf just prior, and was planning on buying another and painting the two. They sit, one wooden, one metal, in our parlor, mismatched and ugly. Why? Well, because it takes planning and time to prepare by a) sorting and selling unwanted books b) sorting and throwing out or filing accumulated "stuff" (mail, magazines, bills, etc), c) moving other furniture and or giving it to goodwill.

Every piece of the chain relies on some other piece being done. The mail sorter hung by the door. The bookshelf being assembled. The furniture moved. Other (broken) furniture pitched.

And, sometimes it helps to not be stepping over each other or the dog.

And I'm really buzzing on caffeine. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

And now, I'm on a laundry kick. All laundry is being sorted and washed and my closet is going to be cleaned out into 3 piles: goodwill and parents and keep. Everything will fit, so that the guest bedroom will no longer be a mess.

It must be done, for my plans to come to completion.


December 6, 2002

What I Want Part 2

And, Batman animated figures and/or Powerpuff villains. There's a lot of new stuff I've been looking at these days...

I'll post them tomorrow... I think.

Birthday Wishlist

What do I want for my birthday Christmas?

1) Time
2) A clean house and organized house
3) An extra battery for my laptop
4) A battery charger for my laptop
5) A USB card for an old mac
6) A 4 port USB KVM switch.

Since this is a "Wish" list:
7) a 1024x768 10" CRT color monitor ($350)
8) at least one 18-19" LCD monitor (75Hz or more) I'm thinking KDS... Found for $665 on Pricewatch... will look for anandtech reviews. Spectre seems to be another good brand. Formac and Envision too. Planar, too, but not so much
9) USB Scanner: something small, fast, and high dpi
10) RAM for the SCSI Tower (4 256MB ECC Registered 168 Pin SDRAM) 4 x $40, micron, found on PriceWatch
11) New PCI Video Card (Quad or Dual, lots of RAM)
12) New sound card (Audigy? Extigy?)
13) Digital Camera

December 4, 2002

Labs labs labs

Ok, lab almost done. It compiles and seems to work with "valid" data... Need to actually write a test script and see if it works in every case.

But now, I've had a chill ever since the gas man came and had me turn off the furnace while he was here. I still havent gotten warm, and that was at 5, so I think it may be bedtime.

Tomorrow, more POS. And one more lab.

I really really really cant wait to have some time off, even just one day to sit still and not WORRY.

And thank you all for the birthday wishes. When complete strangers wish you happy birthday but your best friend forgets, should you hold it against him? I still havent decided. I'm in a bad enough mood as it is, though, without that, so I should say no, despite my compelling urge to blow up. He still owes me dinner and $20 too.

Blah. Labs.

I'm floating in this weird state of total blah today. I can't get connected to the server for my class, so I can print out the code for tracing...

I just printed 100 pages of documentation for signature pads so I can diagnose why they're not working. You may say, "But, Matt, that's not your job, fixing cash registers and such!" and you'd be wrong, because you see, the system is a web-based POS point-of-sale system. And it uses a signature pad through an active-x control on an page on the intranet server.

And yes, I have to fix it. By 2pm.

Another year done


Ugh. Already been at work for 2 hours. Dad's taking me to lunch (Bobby E's), and I have meetings all afternoon.



Waking up at 3am is one thing. Waking up at 3am unable to get back to sleep because you suddenly have a chainsaw droning on next to you is something else. Being unable to rouse or otherwise muffle the chain saw is something even different.

Yes, I tried the pillow over the head. Yes, I tried the subtle nudge. I tried the shove. And the roll. Honestly, I tried everything except violently awakening him.

I even tried sleeping in the other room, but, the snores kept coming, and the bed is far less than comfortable and the room was 10-15 degrees colder.

Nothing I did could change it, so, after an hour and a half of fighting it, I just got up, got ready, and came to work.

Know what I want for my birthday? A pack of those "Breathe Right" strips for him. Heading into finals I need all the help I can get.

December 3, 2002

School Stress

I remember days when I would get so frustrated with school I would simply give up. The last couple weeks have been that way, although now I've not given up even though it seems logical.

The stress levels are mostly brought on by myself, by not working ahead on my assignments, and by not dropping all of my life to study.

Yeah, it's all my own fault. Which makes me stress about it even more.

And as I stress, I snap. More than I ever should. And I take it out on anyone nearby.

So, sorry. I'll try to do better.

Sucky Days

Levels of Suckitude.

This class has far surpassed any previous course's level of suckitude.

I'm ready to throttle whoever decided that teaching c++ was a bad idea. <I>Let's give them a retarded version instead, then, just when they feel safe and confident, spring the real thing on them</I>

Everyone I know hates pointers. Everyone, that is, who's ever talked to me, and you know, if I'd learned them from the start, I'd be fine. Logically, they make sense. Yes, yes, I see, that's how they work.

Obviously, I'm not getting something.

Getting frustrated, that's all.

Just when I think I see that "key" Nala talks about, BAM, nothing.

Now, do I muddle through without printing this last behemoth of a program, or do I pack it up, grab a tylenol or two and take a hot bath and go to bed?

I suppose I muddle through, for a bit, and opt for a morning shower instead, in my hurried rush out the door.

Yeah, that's the ticket.

Another Year

Yay. 29. Big effing deal.

I still havent fixed this site.
I still havent fixed anything on my list.

A day off would be nice. A day for ME. ME MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME.

I will be so glad when this class is over.

<a href="mailto:mememe@gigamatic.com">comments?</a>

December 2, 2002

No Red Ribbon

Seems I didnt post the entry I made for yesterday, World AIDS Day. Oops. But, that's typical for me these days.

3 labs to finish, one by 10pm, two by Friday.

Bad Chinese food is disagreeing with me this morning...

Billing and monthly reports due today.

Happy Monday.