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desperate? more like evil.

So, last night I caught up with Desperate Housewives, and while I was watching, I was talking to Ohio Jay, who has some ancient device called a "VCR" which records his favorite tv shows to something called "tape". And you have to tell it every time you want something recorded. AND you have to remember to put a blank tape in it, and turn it off BEFORE you want the show archived. And you have to be sure not to put a tape in with something you haven't yet watched, lest it be recorded over.

So much stress over recording a damn show.

And with that, let me get back to the damnable characters of Wisteria Lane.

First, there's Edie. The neighborhood ho. Complete with a face that got run-over by a truck, or maybe 10-15 years of hard drug use. Of course, I could just say "bad genes" -- but hey, that wouldn't be as fun to read. She's a realtor, showing the Young's house. (father Young and son Zach are moving because mother Mary Alice committed suicide, and Zach has issues because he knows they did something bad.) She tells Dad Young (see, I'm too lazy to even refer back to my former posts to get his first name) that the house is going to be incredibly hard to sell because he'll have to disclose Mary Alice shot herself in the living room. "Isn't there any way to get around it?" -- Ho tells him "you could tell them she shot herself here and managed to crawl outside before she died."

You'll remember Edie's house was burned down by Susan in the pilot. Not purposefully, but that lovable klutz Susan... she just is followed by a little black cloud. She went over to spy, under the guise of borrowing a cup of sugar, to see if new (and hot) neighbor Mike was sleeping with Edie. However, Edie wasn't home, but she left every candle burning... and let me just say there were more candles in her living room than even the biggest Catholic church. Susan caught the drapes on fire, if I recall, and dropped her measuring cup and ran when she couldn't put it out. Within minutes the house was destroyed.

Well, Edie went to live with Mrs. Huber down the street. Mrs. Huber discovered the charred Pyrex measuring cup while trying to help Edie salvage things. She deduced it was Susan's, and made a play to blackmail S. for a new water heater, and grocery money. Like a single mom who writes children's books would have the extra cash. So what does a single mom do? She has her child break in thru Mrs. Huber's doggie door and steal back the offending measuring cup.

So, you see why Edie wants the Young's house to sell low?

Meanwhile, Gabrielle and her high school gardener (he's hot, but he is so obviously NOT a teenager... especially when I read that he and she are so close in age in real life) are trying to move on from the whole crazy business. Carlos brought his mother in to spy on Gabrielle...

Lynnette... at least your baby appeared in this week's episode. I just want to know now where the third brother went. And is it me or is her husband handsome in a big-eared sort of way? No wonder they have 4 kids.

Bree... control freak...

Spoilers below the fold...

In the beginning there was Mrs. Huber. Consider her an evil Mrs. Kravitz. Neighborhood busybody... with issues. She envies Bree's perfect lawn. So much so that when another neighbor passes out on her lawn from heat exhaustion, she throws him in her wheelbarrow and dumps him in Bree's hydrangeas. Then yells for Bree to call 911.

Then, the whole Edie/Youngs thing.

Bree and Max's daughter (Danielle?) had dreams of becoming a model. Gabrielle wants her out of the picture so she can have the Gardener to herself... so she offers to sponsor her in a modeling school.

Their son beats up a kid at school, breaking the kid's nose while shoving him into a locker? Guest appearance by (somebody help me) an old SNL-er as the school counselor.

Max tells Bree it's over... he got a good lawyer and she'll be served. She says she'll take him for everything. "BRING IT ON!" he says, with a bit less conviction than it needed. Is it me or has he gotten pudgy/creepy? He reminds me more of some gay guys I know than a straight husband of two. Maybe that's intentional. The whole needing time/space alone...

He decides to spoil his kids... buying son a convertible and paying Danielle's modeling school... Bree doesn't like it, and throws the kids' stuff out on the front lawn, telling them if they don't return the gifts, they can't live with her. Danielle buckles, son runs to dad. Dad says "I need time and space alone! You cannot live with me!" (meaning: "I want to have sex with many men! I cannot have you around while I'm the power-bottom in a gang-bang!")

Meanwhile, Mrs. Solis the mother comes home early from a business dinner with Carlos to catch her daughter-in-law in bed with the gardener... she snaps a photo and then takes off.

Son speeds home upset and hits elder Mrs. Solis while she's running from Gardener, who is trying to get the camera. This is apparently unseen by the neighbors. Bree finds son crying, calls Max. They hide car in garage.

Lynnette... desperate for her "crack" -- ADD medicine which gives her supermom abilities... steals some from another kid's mom. Um HELLO? FUCKING RENEW YOUR OWN KIDS' prescriptions... Oh, must've been the drugs clouding her judgement. Big eared sexpot husband notices something wrong with her eyes after his big business dinner where she showed him up. But, his questioning is interrupted by the ruckus outside.

Still not sure what Mike is looking for. Kendra seems to be his boss's daughter. I couldn't judge her age though. Was Mary Alice her sister? Was Dana her sister? It's still fuzzy. At least she's not screwing him.

And speaking of screwed... the P.I. that Mr. Young hired also seems to be a hitman! $10,000 will "get rid of" unwanted neighbors. I'm thinking he's a cop, though. It would work the way this plot is getting twisted. He's the one who made the connection between Edie and the "I know what you did" stationery. But, who's to say Edie was the letter writer? Red herring.

Um. I love this show, but if you play all the wacked-out secret cards at once, what will you have left for a second season?

Comments

Just watched this episode. I agree: Edie is not the person who sent Mary Alice the note. I still say it's her own son that did it. I like your idea that the "hitman" is really a cop. Didn't think of that. But it would be a great plot twist. And it would keep Edie around for a while longer.

Speaking of which, the promo for the next episode implies that one of the "Desperate Housewives" will be killed off. Can't be any of the regular cast. Could it be Edie? Seems too obvious. I think it will be the Mom with the ADD medicine, or similar third-tier character.

Bree's husband is very likely gay. Wonder if he's involved with anyone on Wisteria. C'mon Carlos, fess up!! : )

I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed the stupidity of Lynette stealing drugs when she can use her own kid's presciptions. Oh well, the rest of the story was pretty flawless.

It's kinda funny that Susan was set up as one of the primary characters, if not the "feature" role. But her character is the least interesting to me so far.

Awesome show. I bet the Mary Alice/Dana mystery will last at least until the end of the first season.

BTW this show is the cover feature in the current Newsweek.

Oh man... Max and Carlos? Don't let the poor actor who played Carlos be typecast as gay! And wasnt Max's actor the gay on some other show, too?

I must catch up on TelevisionWithoutPity.com.

Hopefully the Housewife gone forever won't be one of the main 5 (counting Edie.) But it could be Mrs. Solis (Mama), after all, she was hit by a car.

And, as I think I said in the main post, THANK GOD one of Lynette's other children appeared. One more to go, and we'll know all the hellions still exist. Maybe they'll all be at another funeral this week.

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